Musings

There is probably a significant percentage of my audience, if you can call the few that have this address an audience, that wonders why I spend so much time on this blog.  It is not to gloat, though did I mention that it was a beautiful day, and that before out cabinet meeting, our president MADE us take out our coffee and walk along the beach and look at the ocean, the mountains, and the Canadian shore just across the way?  OK, I might be gloating just a tiny bit...

I am writing this in part because I am pretty lonely out here.  People have been wonderful, and I do like it, but I am lonely.  No one, excepting Linda, and we don't see each other all that much, really knows me and still likes me, a favorite definition of a friend.  And sometimes I know and feel that the people who do love me or have to love me are far away.  I do feel that.  So I write to ease the distance and to share my (limited) life with my people who are far away in distance but close in my heart.  I am still struggling to be happy out here and I have not fully attained it.  I miss people.  I get frustrated because I don't know where to turn or find the best cheap, but good, Chinese food.  I have had that level of comfort for a long time, and then to struggle with the day to day stupid stuff without a support system that I could just call makes it hard and lonely.

But through this blog and with phone calls and emails, I celebrate and share the little victories and the little signs of happiness that come my way.  It doesn't mean that I am settled or in a complete comfort zone or necessarily where and what and who I want to be.  But I am working on it...thanks for indulging me.