Changes, endings, and beginnings...

I think about how little I have blogged these past few months and I struggle to fully explain, even to myself, why that it.  If you look through the almost 400 posts from the past four years, I tend to blog far more when I am stressed, sad, or troubled.  I think that is more because photography is such distraction and a fulfilling part of my life that I at least tend to take pictures and post them in challenging times.

I don't know how or why I have lost that these past few months--I could have used that distraction and some fulfillment as there have been some significant changes and endings in my life.  Certainly the most challenging is where (and with whom) I live.  I have thought a great deal on how to say this, and I had some help in figuring out how to say it like this.  "I don't share my/a house/home with my former significant other-type person."  This has necessitated me moving and settling into a new house and all that this means.  Heck, I guess  one reason I haven't taken any pictures is that I couldn't even find a camera for awhile.

But as always, there are new beginnings that happen only with loss and changes.  I do have a new place to live and (slowly) I am making it more than just that. As I have written before at other turning points in my life, I am safe and warm and healthy and and and--I am ok and I will be even better with time.   I am wiring new pathways in my brain and heart to help me figure out where I want to go from here, and those new pathways are allowing me to learn new things, big and small.

I have always loved sunflowers, and they do provide comfort.  Better yet, they provide a good starting point on all these new pathways.  Hey, I found my cameras--who knows where all this will lead?

5:52 AM

I was awoken today by a fairly loud early morning storm.  It was still fully dark at 4AM, letting the lighting fully illuminate the neighborhood, while thunder rolled and shook the house.  I watched, listened, and read til it was time to get up for real and start my day.  I had finished my book, and was l still kind of stuck in setting of the book.  I was imagining Paris in the fall, and what it would have been like in 1938 but was drawn back to 2012 when I walked by a window and saw the sky.

Let's just say that life has not been all that simple of late.  The view from the porch, however, was simple.  And beautiful.

Herding cats

The title of this blog is usually the reference that is applied to my day job, but I have experienced a bit of this at home as well.  The cat that ruled the roost for most of the past few years now has a companion cat and that has provided considerable entertainment the past two weeks.  And I am happy to report that progress has been made in this relationship.  Goober, the "more experienced" cat has mellowed and will at least be in the same room with Sage, the new addition.  Sometimes they even play with each other, but more often it is Sage playing with a semi-tolerant Goober.  Once Goober's inner kitten-ness is overwhelmed, we hear a hiss or two, a thump as Sage hits the floor after a well aimed right jab from Goober, and the elder, dignified cat flees to a high place where she can't be bothered.

I have been trying to get both of them in the same photo for most of two weeks--this is the best I have been able to do.

Decoration Day

Today is a holiday of remembrance, of reflection, and it was a moment for me to do both.  I have very strong and mixed feelings about funerals and cemeteries.  I guess these feelings could be summed up by saying "I'm not a fan of either."

I know the lame joke about preferring the alternative to a funeral, especially when it is your own.  I get that part of it.  But I think what I don't like about either is the ostentatious display that seems inherent with most funerals and grave markers.  Certainly I live in "Granite City" so granite here is like wood in a rainforest village.  But as I wandered through a local cemetery this morning, I was overwhelmed by the excess of huge mausoleums as edifices to those who have passed away.  If the average cost of a funeral is about $8,000, what did these ceremonies/markers cost?   I am not sure that I just want to be buried in the backyard or propped up next to a tree somewhere or put on a melting ice floe, but I am hoping for considerable moderation from what I saw today.

That said, let me tell you what else I have figured out about funerals and cemeteries.  They are more for the living than for those who have passed away.  That lesson was reinforced today, as I saw hundreds of graves that were decorated by real acts of remembrance of loved ones.  I am guessing that some need this tangible reminder of those who have left this physical world--just as they need a fancy funeral and massive marker to remind them of what is and has been lost.

I do have a more personal goal, though, and one that is probably a solid goal for everyone.  Aim to be remembered and respected while you are alive, and you and those who love you won't worry about a gravestone being the only mark you leave on the world.

Random catching up

I have posted so irregularly these past few months that I have photos that I haven't even really looked at, much less posted any of these photos.  My goal is to post a few every few days or so until I catch up.  I know, a poor substitute for more intentional posts, but it is progress of a sort.

Perfection vs. Progress

I have had several conversations these past weeks about progress and change.  Of course, the human thing to want to do is to move to or change to something that is perfect.  I would agree--perfect is good, if you can follow that.  But sometimes the attainment of perfection takes a long time.  And most of us never reach it (and the ones that do think or believe that they have reached it are simply delusional).

I would argue that rather than wait for perfection, we should show and share  the steps of our progress towards the goal of perfection.  That direction of these steps shows  progress which is probably a more important goal.  It certainly is more attainable.

With all that in mind, here are a few steps of mine.

Colors of spring

The sun caught the tops of the trees in the neighborhood after several late afternoon thunderstorms

Randomness

It has been several weeks and at the least I wanted to post a few photos. Once, long, long ago, I would occasionally post a photo or two of a cat. I haven't done that for a while, so I thought it time. Here is the cat that shares my space, though she would say she deigns to let me share her space. Perspective, I guess. I have mentioned that the $1,000 "kit lens" that they threw in with the Canon 5d is a good lens but not a great lens. That may be true, but these photos do show that it can still make an image. Click on them to make them bigger, and to count the hairs on her chinny chin chin...

It is spring in Minnesota, which means that we have had the extremes of weather. It will be in the 70s tomorrow, but a mere 2 weeks ago we were blessed with a foot of snow. There is a photo from that snowy morning and a more recent one from a foggy rainy morning when all that snow was melting.

Full moon, and full life...

A few early portraits

I am telling you, the lens is amazing!!! It even makes the cat look good!

A new old lens

Those who have followed this blog will recall that sometimes I like using old lenses on newer cameras, but this is kind of extreme even for me. With some help from a colleague who made some adaptations to a camera lens board and a camera mount, I was able to mount a 1950s 250mm Rodenstock Imagon onto a Sinar view camera, and then mount my Canon 5D onto the camera. Cool, eh? I know, all of you are dying to try this at home. With a machinist and about $3,500, you can have the same set up.

The lens is classic design but its main attribute is that it is a soft-focus lens. In the early 1900s, before the Ansel Adams generation came into vogue, there was a movement or genre of photography called pictorialism. These photos were characterized by being in focus, but also being soft. I know, a bit confusing. Pictorial photos were both in focus but they looked soft. It wasn't the photographer, but the lenses that they used. These lenses were just very poorly corrected compared to today's lenses, and then on top of that, they were often more diffused by the photographer, who put things like disks with different size holes in front of the lens elements--the great thing about them is that the level of softness is adjustable. They were used for landscapes, but they were more often used for portraits. What a great idea! There are no dramatic wrinkles with a soft focus portrait lens, and women, and honestly men, too, loved theses lenses for that reason. These old lenses are now in high demand, and some of them cost thousands of dollars.

I found and bought one of these are few years ago, but haven't used it--film is too hard to use. The adaptations that my friend helped with allows me to use it. Certainly these photos don't touch all the potential of the lens, but I am learning with the lens. The photos are in order, and show the lens without a disk, the lens stopped down, and then with some of the disks and the different affects. The street scene is the lens at its in-focus softest.

It's about time...

It has been almost six weeks since I last posted, a length of time I think has been matched only once in the almost four years I have had this blog. Certainly it has been far longer than usual since I posted anything. My apologies to the reader, but a small chastisement to the writer. This blog is important to me for several different reasons, and I should be more diligent in writing and taking photos.

It isn't like I have done nothing, or that I have just sat on my (growing) backside. There was the end of the semester, the holidays, the beginning of a new semester, work in general, and all of that stuff. But I also was a participant of sorts in buying a house, getting it ready, and then moving into the house. I know, how is that for an "oh, and by the way" statement. There may have been a few understated thoughts about life-changing moments in that sentence. And they would all be true. And they would all be positive, too. Imagine the changes, from shoveling snow to painting for the first time ever to changing an occasional diaper to having someone to come home to every day to sopping up water from broken pipes to consolidating and sharing things and space.

It hasn't been entirely easy. The phrase, "old dog, new tricks" comes to mind. And probably not just to my mind. This is the first time that I have shared space full time with someone since 1997. Certainly that has been by choice and by circumstance and by necessity, but that is a long time, or at least long enough to make the transitions noticeable.

But in all the changes and in between the coats of paint and the dripping water and the things lost and misplaced and in the clutter of a move to a new house, something has happened. We are making a home out of this house, a home that will evolve and grow (and be more organized) in the future. It is good space, and I am glad to be in it, and I am glad we are in it.

I have taken very few photos, but here are a few that I have made. There are few of the house, and there are others of the recent foggy days. Hopefully more will follow in the next few weeks.