Making yourself do things

I have talked about struggling with photography right now and nothing has changed on this front.  I literally have to make myself take photos and I still don't completely know why this is the case. It is frustrating and honestly, sad for me.  Probably one more thing to add to the list for extensive therapy. Or not.  Maybe it isn't that important, that I am struggling just because that is what I expect I should do.  I don't know.  I guess I will settle on the frustrating sentiment.

In the absence of vision or goals or audience or creativity or whatever is this block, I am making myself take photos.  No people photos--heaven forbid!  Those are complicated and difficult and fraught with challenges and well, people!  Though I have to admit that I miss that process most of all. No, I decorated my house with flowers this weekend, and I picked up a camera to document that.

I decorated because I had friends over for an evening, something I haven't done in the three months I have been here.  Part of that is that people haven't lined up outside to visit, but also, I haven't successfully asked any one to come over for a meal.  I am not overtly an extrovert and  probably not all that social, so it is hard to open up (and to open up my space, such as it is) to let people in.  I recharge with alone time, and not always with people.  This shouldn't be a surprise to some who read this!

What I am discovering though is that this process is not unlike taking photos when you don't want to or feel like it.  There are rewards for doing so, not the least that you can say you did it.  And that it worked.  There is no doubt that the photos that I am posting here could be a bit sharper and better composed, just as there is little doubt that dinner could have gone a bit more smoothly (honestly, we had cheese and bread and olives and wine.  And just shrimp.  And wine.  Did I mention that we had wine?  That does explain why I didn't cook any of the other things I had planned...) but it was fine.  It was fun, and it was part of the process of getting better at doing this.  And the flower photos are fine, too.  I suppose that I can see what would make them better is just as much of the process.

And I might do both tasks again.