As the three people who read this know, I am or rather will be out of a job in less than five months. Five months is, I am finding, both seemingly an eternity and but a heart beat away. It is too long to immediately panic and stop drinking mocha's and start recycling paper cups and or stealing the condiments, but it can seem like it is so far away where I don't worry as much as I should about all that it means.
Such is life, and such is my mini-crisis over time or probably over timing. I am looking for work, but it should be no surprise to millions that jobs are hard to find. Do I want to work in Dubai? Tyler, Texas? Florida? Not so sure about those moves. Do I keep looking for administrative jobs right til the bitter end, and only focus on those because "I am a dean" and need to be a dean? I don't think that, either.
There are a series of questions that I need to answer, I think, before I leap into any particular job. First, what am I looking for? Do I want to be a leader or a follower, or is it that important to be in charge? Wow, I have had so much fun in my last two jobs, Sisyphean jobs, being in charge...besides, you are never really in charge in the monkey house of higher ed. Unless you are faculty, and they lead from the bottom, and often by not leading--anyone who has worked in higher ed will know what I mean by that. And honestly, while there is some ego wrapped up in this, after true and honest reflection, I can say that it doesn't define me. Hey, I have been a dean, and frankly, much of being one, well, sucked.
The next question is where do I want to do whatever is I want to do? I do love it here. I find myself comfortable here--this is a great place to basically be on your own. If you have to find a place without people, your people, to just be, this is a great safe place. There is incredible comfort to wander in such beauty--I am not saying that it replaces the people who you want or might need, now or in the past, but in their stead, it is a balm. I find myself doing two things that probably indicate to me that I want to stay out here. First, incredibly, I find myself able to take in stride, if not even a bit for granted, how incredible it is out here. It's like, yes, there are the mountains, there is the ocean, so? I don't gasp every time I see these things--occasionally, but not every time. The place is becoming like that old comfortable pair of Levi's that you love (and that you know makes your butt look good). This place looks and feels good on me. The second thing that encourages me to stay out here is that I know that I want to see more and do more out here. As I am sure some explorer and a poet has said, there are mountains to climb, and paths and directions to decide upon. Some are even less travelled, at least by me. That part of here reminds me, as we often need reminding, that there is more to life than work.
The last question is simply, if I decide to stay, can I afford to stay? Tough question. There is no doubt that I, like millions of others, are going to have to or have already taken already a financial hit. How much less can I live on? 50% less? 75% less? Those are the percents that I am tossing about and thinking about--can I survive on 75% percent less? Well, the answer is that I probably wouldn't have to go that deep. I need to work enough so that I can earn benefits. And I think that like millions of others, I will become multiply employed. If I stay here, I will probably have to teach at 2-3 schools. And probably have to take a few weddings or, heaven forbid, kid or pet photos. (hey, any picture that has been on my blog is for sale...) But honest work is good work, no matter the job.
Two final thoughts on this. The first is that despite the relative uselessness of a Ph.D in history in this world, I would rather be looking for a job with one than with or without a high school diploma. I am much better prepared than many to fight for jobs in this market, and for that I am very grateful to the people who have helped me prepare for this difficult time. I didn't get here alone. I can do almost any job, but I don't want to wear a hairnet and have anything to do with french fries. Hopefully my life and education and experiences will keep me out of a kitchen to all of our benefit. Would you eat a Big Mac "cooked" by me? I don't think so.
The last thought is this. Don't worry, be happy! There is a large part of me that says and believes this. So, I bought a ticket for Paris and will leave in three weeks. Only for a week, but hey, spring time in Paris and all that. How will I pay for it? Hmmm, haven't quite thought that one all the way through, but I am able to travel cheaply. Paris prizes for friends might be stories and pictures rather than chocolate or crystal, but we all have to play our part in this economic downturn/recession/depression.
So I am not worrying too much and I am trying to be happy. It is kind of freeing and it does open up new and exciting possibilities. I think I am up for an adventure, maybe one outside the hundred-acre woods that I am currently comfortable in.
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